Since this is the happiest bit of this entire blog entry, I've left it at the top. I have a cat named Olivia now. She will never replace my Mouse, but its nice to hear the cat bell as she roams through the house, and she's setting up shop in her own litter corner of my heart. I plan to write her a letter in future as well, but tonight is for Missy.
I know its been a year, but I felt the need to write tonight. I had to say goodbye to my Mouse Cat (Of blog name fame) on Monday, March 8, 2010 at about 6pm. She had a bunch of fluid in her lungs, and we couldn't seem to improve the situation with oxygen and diuretics as a treatment. The vet told me afterwords that it was right side heart failure (which she said is very difficult to treat, and it was likely that if we had kept fighting, Mouse never would have recovered). In the end, we had to say goodbye and that's hurt me a lot. I felt like I wanted to write down all the special things she did for me, and honestly I don't know that I'll ever have them all down, but this is what I've written so far, and its a good, if incomplete description of her life, and what she meant to me.
March 20, 2010
It’s been about two weeks since we had to say goodbye. I hope you know that I love you and I miss you an awful lot. I’m writing this letter to you, to be honest, mostly so I can remember those special things you always did that made you my special little Mouse cat. I called you Missy Mystery at first, which kind of fit. There were a lot of mysteries that never were solved about you. I even called you Squeaker, before that, till I realized how loud you really were, (and what a lame name that was.) In the end, you were Missy Mouse. (Allais’s Missy, Mouse, Miss Mouse, Mau-Mouse, Fuzz brain, Loud Mouse, Trouble, Little One, Goofy-goose, Goofy-goo and Dum-Dum) I guess this is a letter to say how much I loved you, to remember all the reasons why, (and to try to figure out where you got so many silly names.)
I loved how you always used to greet me when I got home, you were always so loud, and so excited. Even that last night when we took you to the vet, and the very last night, when we said goodbye, You wanted to come to me, and you made sure and said “hello” in your vocal little way. You really were a loud Mouse, you know that right? I’m gonna miss that bit of Loud Mouse attitude. There’s nothing in the world quite like the way you greeted me, with a shout, and I love you for it. It was strange, but part of the ritual, so I also love this, but what was with “clawing” my shoes and my backpack? I kinda loved it, but you have to admit, you were being weird. It always tickled, especially those rare times you caught me in sandals or decided to “claw” my leg.
You had some other amazingly funny little habits too. You used to be so good about stretching out belly up, in all the most unlikely places. It was so funny to catch you belly up in the middle of the living room with your paws flipped forward and the goofiest little grin on your face. I loved to just watch you when you did that, just cause you were so silly.
I’m never going to forget how much you loved getting your water in strange ways either. It was hilarious to turn around in the shower and see you, front half soaked, trying to “catch” the shower water. It was nearly as funny when you would sit on the edge of the tub, and drink the water, or just hang out while I was in the bath, with your tail in the water. I never understood that about you… You didn’t want to get wet very badly, and yet, you didn’t seem to mind if it was on your terms. You also used to give me the nastiest looks if I wouldn’t run the tap for you to get a drink. Or else, after you took your “shower” you would wander between the shower curtains. My goofy goose.. You were so silly.
I always thought it was funny the way that you would play catch with me in the middle of the floor too. I’d roll the ball to you and you, like clockwork, would “toss” it back. (You didn’t have very good aim, though). And you would always get so angry if I stopped because we lost the ball. Not that you would get up after it, you lazy little thing. It was also funny how you chased cords though you drove me crazy if I was trying to work on something.
I liked how you used to turn and “butt” your head against me when I held you. I always felt so loved when you did that. It was special to me even in the beginning when we didn’t know each other very well.
Thanks for always making me laugh. You weren’t ever very good about tears though. You always would wander off if I was upset. It always exasperated me, but that was just part of who you were. You wanted an “upbeat” relationship, and by golly you were going to insist on it.
You were always such a troublesome thing about wanting to go out too. I remember more than a few trips out the door when I had to haul you back before I could be on my way. Your curiosity was boundless, (which led to you being underfoot more than once or twice.) If I remember right, you went and visited the neighbors once too. That wasn’t very nice, and was kind of an embarrassment for me. I wish you would have just stuck to the hallways. Speaking of the early days, do you remember when I was a dufus and got us locked out of the apartment at 2 in the morning? Alicia, Brandon and Alan were pissed. They had fun laughing about it later though. I know, I’m a goof too.
It was neat that you would stay fairly close in the yard so we could let you explore in the spring and summer. I always worried you were going to fall off that balcony since you refused to stay on this side of the railings, but it was nice to let you out here, at this apartment. Sorry the vest thing didn’t work out, I was just trying to protect you. I’m sorry it was too cold and nasty here the last few months we were together. If I would have known, I’d have let you out when it was at least a little nice. I remember how much you like to eat grass, I don’t understand, but I remember, and I think it’s pretty funny.
You were always so soft too. I never met a cat quite as soft and silky as you were. Your fur was a joy to stroke. You always did a good job of taking care of it. I never did have to give you a bath, which I have to admit was pretty great. I don’t think you would have liked it if it hadn’t been your idea to get wet (though I loved how you smelled a little bit like cinnamon and smoke when you were). Thanks for letting me tweak your tail, and rub your ears. I know it was odd, but I was just trying to show you my affection, and I was always so fascinated by that scar in your ear. I hope some day I can find out where that came from. It was always such a mystery to me.
I remember how you liked to rub against your brush when it was grooming time too, as if to say “hey let me just get that itch.. ahh there it is.” You loved that brush that got all that dead fur out of your coat too, which I have to admit was kind of nice for me too. I’m sorry I didn’t brush you more.
While I’m apologizing, I’d like to say I’m sorry about the medicine, but I couldn’t help it. Your tummy would get so upset, and cause an awful lot of problems if we didn’t give it to you every night. I know you didn’t like it, (though once again, it was funny the way you would hold your mouth shut and turn your head away every time I tried to give it to you). I’m also sorry that you didn’t get to know my friends very well. That was a little your fault too you know. You know they couldn’t see that you were usually just sitting out of reach waiting for attention. They didn’t realize that you were strangely, a bit reserved like that. Finally, I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner. I don’t know if it would have made a difference, but I’m sorry you were so tired in the end. That’s why I finally made the decision I did for you. I would have kept you with me if I could have. It was obvious that you were tired, you wouldn’t have been so good for the vet if you hadn’t been. Remember how nasty you would get with them? It was almost funny, when we weren’t at the vet, though when we were, you were a terror. I’m sorry about that too, I have a feeling that you wouldn’t have minded them so much if I hadn’t had you declawed. If it’s any consolation, I won’t do it again to any other kitties. I’m sorry that you probably didn’t feel very well a lot of the time. You were awfully good about it. I tried to do the best I could to keep you healthy and happy. (I know that “healthy” and “happy” were two different things when the vet was involved, but what could I do?) I hope your eyes weren’t uncomfortable, and I hope I at least helped with your tummy. Despite all that, thanks for always being so good about crawling into your carrier. I was always surprised that I didn’t have to fight with you to get you to go in there, even though we usually were going somewhere you didn’t want to be.
Thanks for putting up with all the moves, and thanks for the laughs. Thank you for being gentle to Aydyn and Amanda and all of the other little ones that came to visit us. I know a lot of other cats would have hidden, or even been nasty. I’m so proud of you for that. Thanks for handling the guide dogs pretty well too, even when they ate your food. I’m never going to forget how you “put Jockey in his place”. I still want to know what you did there. I’ve never seen a cat and a dog in a staring contest before or since then. Nor have I seen a dog that gave in so readily to a cat. It was pretty cool of you to get along with Marc too, even though he called you “Stupid” and teased you. I’m sorry that you and mom never got real close, though I’m glad that you were pretty good friends and that you would have been a better friend to her if she’d wanted it. Thanks for sitting in my lap on cold nights when I was reading too. It was great to see that you trusted me enough to fall asleep there.
I almost forgot to mention this, but thanks for always wanting to be near by, even if you were doing your own thing. It was nice to see you in the chair next to me, or napping on the couch, or the end of the bed while I was working on things. It was even nice, if a bit concerning and frustrating how you wanted to hang out in the kitchen with me (right under foot). I always laugh when I think of how you always looked in the fridge like there was something in there for you even though you wouldn’t touch human food. (Fuzz brain, you were a screwball, end of story.)
It was also pretty cool that you wanted to sleep on the “mom” blanket, even though that meant we fought for that part of the bed every night. By the way, it was not necessary for you to always try to take up the entire queen sized bed. Livvy’s doing just fine curling up in a much smaller part of it. I’m curious to see how she’ll handle me making the bed considering how you always insisted on helping by lying in the middle of it, and not even moving if I covered you up.
I hope you understand that I’m not replacing you with Olivia. I loved you too much, and there’s no other kitty in the world like you were. I just needed a friend, and Livvy needed a friend, and well, I figured we could comfort each other. You wouldn’t have liked her, but it’s not her fault, she’s very sweet, you just never did get on with other cats. I wish you could have. You always seemed a little lonely to me. Maybe when we all meet on the other side you’ll be a little more understanding of my other kitty friends. (I don’t know if we will, but I have to hope so, I can’t imagine heaven without you there to greet me, I know that sounds strange, but there it is.) If you are in heaven, do me a favor and try to make friends with Tortuga, Snickers, Whiskers, and Dolly. I don’t want to have to sort it all out when I get there, and you guys have time. You may as well make up with Shadow too. Alicia and I will be spending time together there, so it’d be pretty cool if you were decent to her cat.
It’s awfully quiet here without you. Even though I’ve got little Olivia to keep me company, it’s not the same to come home without your very vocal greeting. I’m gonna miss your purr, it was so unique, and I’m going to miss your soft fur, and your shouting. Know that no matter who else comes and shares my home, you will always be my beloved Mau-Mouse.
Cuddles and head-butts,
P.S. Oh, and you totally rocked that pink leopard print collar.
Missy - My fuzziest friend from January 2006 - March 8, 2010. Goodbye Mau-Mouse, you will be missed.